Shhhhh, ego, you are too loud
“Unlike what our ego may believe, it is not our role to repair or transform ourselves. Indeed, one of the major obstacles to transformation is the idea that we can “fix” ourselves. This notion, of course, raises some interesting questions. What in us do we believe needs fixing, and what part of us is claiming the authority to be able to fix another part? What parts are the judge, the jury and the defendant in the dock? What are the tools of punishment or rehabilitation, and what parts of us will wield them on what other parts?” ~The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson
Ugh. All the different Angelas have been out in full force this week, full f***ing force. They are showing up because I am committed to letting go of fixing. Line in the sand, right here, right now. Done. Fixing.
Angelas? There are quite a few of us. There is the Petty Angela, Angry Angela and Jealous Angela, that is team ugly. The are beyond sick of th Miss “do everything well” Angela, Goody Two-shoes Angela, Resolution Angela and Responsible Angela are terrified to hear from the Petty, Angry, Jealous trio so it’s been a bit of a mess
It does raise an interesting dilemma, who indeed gets to be the fixer? If indeed we need to fix ourselves, (and isn’t that what we have been told over and over from so many sources?) what roles are assigned to whom? I mean, is the Get Shit Done Aka Self-Will Run Riot Angela in charge and the fixer of the Relaxing Angela or motivater of the Lazy Angela. Speaking of Lazy Angela, she surely cannot be trusted, almost all the other Angela’s think she’s disgusting and are always giving her a guilt trip. In return, Lazy Angela has teamed up with Compulsive Angela and they are out to get even with everyone. Like I said, it is a bit of a mess.
When I consider who “should” be the fixer, I have to admit that picking the more Virtuous Angela’s sounds like the right move in theory but the Rebel in me absolutely refuses right up front to be fixed by Miss High and Mighty so I’m going to have to go with Don Richard and Russ Hudson’s proclamation that it is not my role to fix myself. That desire to fix is indeed Queen Ester (my Ego) trying to make me miserable and rob me of joy.
This is again one of those things that is easy to say, but if you’ve been on the self-improvement path even close to as long as I have, then you’ll (like me) need some practical ideas on how to let go of this idea of fixing. One of my tools is to have an Angela Assembly and EVERYONE is invited. We (the Angelas… yes, just referred to my self in the 3rd person, get over it), call a board meeting of all the Angelas… and have a good old fashioned sit down. Here’s the thing, not only is EVERYONE is invited, and NO one gets to fix, repair, or judge the others. Oh, there is more, (here’s where it gets really scary), everyone is getting a chance to be heard. So Slow Relaxed Eating Angela is sitting across from the table from Snacking in the kitchen While watching TV Overeating Angela. The Eating Psychology Coach Angela is having to lean heavily on Compassionate Angela and close her eyes or she wouldn’t even be able stay in the sit-down watching this debacle.
Here’s what I know. My ego wants me to think I’m more spiritually evolved than I really am. The ego has been encouraging me to ignore the less pleasant Angelas and pretend that they aren’t there. Self-improvement Angela has been very busy banishing Compulsive Angela, Lazy Angela, Doubtful Angela and Unforgiving Angela to the basement where they have been festering and coming up with clever ways to come out sideways. (And trust me, they are coming out sideways in all kinds of creative ways… in hindsight we should have kept Creative Angela upstairs with the Disciplined, Hard-working, Responsible Angela group!)
Here’s what else I know. CEO Angela is the watcher and the observer. All this watching and observing is what has finally brought this meeting together. What I failed to understand until now is the CEO Watcher Angela is in Cahoots with Wise Angela (didn’t even know she was around until recently). CEO Angela, aka the watcher and the observer are who absolutely needs to be in charge because she’s the only one who knows that this is all an illusion anyway. She’s the only one that knows that we are really just love in a human body. She is able to KNOW that accepting and yes, loving all the Angelas in all their glory is the royal road to peace. And truly, while what is happening is messy (to say the least, Crabby Angela is really spending more than her fair share yapping at everyone) it really does feel in some strange way, peaceful to have everyone speaking up and coming together.
What is even more interesting is that EVERYONE does have a message. No, they cannot be given the checkbook or allowed in the driver’s seat, but they can be given a voice. They are like wounded children, they just want to be acknowledged and heard. When given a voice and an opportunity for the Angelas to say what she needs to say, the mess lessens. The extreme begins to shift to calm.
Who knew? There is wisdom here at this table.
One example of such wisdom comes from none other than Lazy Angela herself. She insists that if I schedule in rest, play and more fun, she won’t have to show up in a big way to completely check out. She shares that she has to come in because even though Workout and Get Everything Done Angela refuse to feel it, they are exhausted. Compulsive Angela has weighed in on this wisdom also and fully agrees that she also shows up because there’s too much Push and Make it Happen Angela energy and Fun Angela isn’t getting to hang out with Play and Enjoy Angela.
Compulsive Eater Angela is in dialog with Eating Psychology Coach Angela and they are coming to terms and melding into Balanced Nourishment Angela. Nourishment comes of course with Balance because there is a time for Healthy Nutrition and a time for Celebratory Nourishment (like say, just a bit ago here at the coffee shop where I am writing, is there anything as delicious as a big fat muffin and a latte?).
Deeper Dive: Write down, draw or just have an out loud dialog with all your selves. (maybe not at the coffee shop as people will stare, but again, being stared at isn’t the worse thing. it could be enjoyable, okay back to the dive) …. Create a self-portrait that includes all of your selves and maybe a big table for the sit down. Here’s a picture of mine.
LUCKY’S bay about it: Seriously, life is way too enjoyable to be so serious about fixing. More time playing with delicious books, and toys… preferably outside. AND take time to sniff and smell the deliciousness… life is so yummy.
**sit–down noun \ˈsit-ˌdau̇n\
- : a strike or protest in which a group of people sit down to block a road, entrance, etc., and refuse to leave until they are given what they demand
- : a meeting held to talk about a problem or disagreement
- : a short rest while sitting down